Divorce can be difficult and contentious, but the process could get even harder when children are involved. Taking a child custody dispute to court can be a painful and costly process for everyone concerned. Fortunately, spouses who are at odds can find support outside of the legal system and find ways to solve custody issues. Parental parties who cannot agree on child custody could benefit from mediation to save the time, money, and stress they would have to deal with when going to court. Read on to learn more about child custody mediation in California.
An Overview of Child Custody Mediation
Child custody mediation, a form of "alternative dispute resolution," has grown increasingly common in divorce cases in recent years. Mediation is an alternative to contentious custody battles in court that helps unmarried or divorcing parents decide who will have physical and legal custody of the children.
In mediation sessions, couples consult with a qualified mediator, often in a casual setting (like their mediator's office), though sometimes this meeting takes place online. In a marriage mediation session, the mediator acts as a guide, helping the couple find common ground on the many contentious issues they face.
In some cases, the spouses manage the issue alone while working with a mediator. In other cases, each spouse retains legal counsel who can assist in mediation preparation, offer advice throughout the negotiating process, and draft or review any final agreement.
The mediator does not render judgment on the issues, unlike an arbitrator or judge. Instead, mediators aim to facilitate a settlement that both couples can live with using their expertise and knowledge. Successful mediation in a divorce dispute will typically result in the establishment of a formal settlement agreement.
While there could be many disputable issues during a divorce, child custody as well as parental time are sometimes the most sensitive and challenging for couples to agree upon.
Understanding Child Custody
Contrary to popular belief, child custody is not an uncompromising decision where one spouse gets custody of the children and the other does not. It is a well-accepted fact that children do better if both of their parents are involved in their lives, and this is what the courts aim for throughout custody disputes.
Physical and legal custody are the two fundamental components of child custody cases. Legal custody refers to who is going to make decisions on issues that are crucial to a child's development, such as their schooling, religious development, and non-emergency health care. Courts prefer that parents split legal custody except if one party is unfit for a particular reason.
Physical custody refers to where the child will live most of the time. The location of each parent's home plays a significant role in deciding physical custody, intending to establish a plan that best meets the requirements of the child.
When deciding a custody case, the court will always prioritize the best interests of the child.
Is Mediation Mandatory in a California Separation or Divorce?
Any divorce or separation proceeding in California involving a custody dispute will necessitate mediation. A case can't move forward until obligatory mediation is finished, which happens at an early stage in the schedule of a custody dispute.
Recommending Versus Non-Recommending
In California, different counties have different procedures for handling mediation during child custody disputes. Several counties are recommending/report) and those that don't recommend/non-reporting.
Mediation is called Child Custody Recommending Counseling (CCRC) in counties that make reports. Both sides will consult with mediators, sometimes called recommending counselors, in an attempt to come to a settlement. If the parties are unable to agree, the mediating party will then draft a report with custody recommendations.
Although this report may be distributed to the parties and their lawyers, it is intended for the presiding judge and usually has substantial weight in influencing the court's decision. In California, recommending counties include San Diego and Riverside.
In counties where recommendations are not made, the mediator will prepare a suggested parenting schedule that takes into account the agreements made by both sides during mediation. But if no settlement could be attained, the mediator would tell the court of that fact, and no parental plan would be provided.
Confidentiality is among the main distinctions between reporting and non-reporting in mediation. While meditating in non-reporting counties is completely confidential, mediation in reporting counties will contain information regarding what transpired during the mediation sessions. Non-reporting counties in California include Orange County and Los Angeles.
While both recommending and non-recommending are used in the majority of California counties, some counties provide both. The Judicial Branch in California provides a helpful map that illustrates the mediation procedures used in each county.
Private Mediation Versus Mandatory Mediation
Even though mediation is mandatory in all child custody cases in California, the parties involved in a divorce or legal separation in the state often get to choose the mediator. This is determined by whether both sides choose mediation to be private or make use of government-provided resources available in mandatory court-ordered mediation.
Parties that are actively engaged in resolving their dispute might make use of the available private mediation. As a result, the parties can select their mediator. In many instances, the parties can negotiate the entirety of their cases through private mediation.
When the participants have not already agreed to participate in mediation, the court has the authority to mandate that they do so. Family Court Services, an entity that offers family court services that includes mediation, and parental education, among other family court services throughout almost every county in California, facilitates mediation.
Obligatory mediation using FCS is sometimes relatively limited, as opposed to the extensive possibilities offered by private mediation. Some courts might only provide mediation appointments that last no longer than a couple of hours.
Domestic Violence and Mediation
If there has been domestic violence, mediation will probably be conducted differently. In California, family courts let the mediator have discussions with both sides in separate spaces and don't require couples with previous histories of violence in their relationship to be present in one room during the mediation. The court-ordered mediation intake procedures will involve an assessment to determine whether domestic violence has been present, and if there has been domestic violence, the mediator will separate the couple.
How to Get Ready for a Child Custody Mediation Session
Firstly, keep in mind that mediation and custody generally aren't essentially about both parents. It's centered around the kids. You must commit to acting in their best interests, and being prepared is the first step in that direction.
The following are a few brief tips to consider when preparing for child custody mediation:
Try To Get Lots Of Rest The Night Before
It's important to remember to look after yourself because meditation may be stressful. Being well-rested makes it much simpler to maintain composure and think with clarity.
Be Open-Minded
Keep in mind that the process isn't about getting what you want. You and your partner may have different ideas about what's ideal for the kids. Instead of jumping to conclusions about your ex, try understanding where they are coming from. The mediator could also provide recommendations regarding parenting time as well as custody arrangements that you hadn't considered.
Write Down Something
Create a proposal for what you think will be a reasonable custody and visitation schedule. Making a strategy in advance could assist you to stay organized while providing conversation topics. Incorporate a checklist to ensure that you keep track of things that matter to you. Don't forget to include matters such as:
- Ways to make the transitions between time spent with either parent go smoothly, including picking them up and dropping them off
- How to divide travel expenses if it is a concern (for instance, when parents are separated geographically)
- How the holidays are divided up throughout the year (that is, if the schedule is the same every year or if it changes)
- Sharing vacations during summer and school breaks
- How to handle small alterations from the planned schedules, such as when one party or child is feeling unwell
- The most effective means of communication between parents (such as by phone or using email)
- Anything you think can be an issue, like a parent who needs help for drug or alcohol abuse
Remember that technological resources and mobile applications could help parents in organizing all facets of parenting time and custody, including communication.
Instances When Child Custody Mediation May Not Be the Best Option
Custody mediations are often not suitable in scenarios involving ongoing emotional abuse or domestic violence. If you're the victim of domestic abuse or if there's a protection order in effect, you could be exempt from the legal obligation in many jurisdictions that mandate mediation during custody disputes.
While you cannot be excused from custody mediation in certain regions like California, you can ask for special measures to ensure your safety. You need to know that, even if you've got the choice to engage in the mediation proceedings (or not), custody mediation may not always be the best course of action. For example, when:
- Your relationship has a record of domestic abuse, or one parent controls or bullies you
- One parent struggles with an unaddressed drug addiction issue, or there is a high degree of tension in the relationship that working together and efficient communication are almost impossible
Tips for Your Child Custody Mediation Sessions
The mediation process can be difficult even when both parties come in with good intentions. When that occurs, it's critical to take some time to breathe and redirect your attention to what's most beneficial for the kids.
Below are some other pointers for a productive mediation session:
Don't Discuss Marital Matters That Are Not Related To Your Children
Remind yourself that this is not the typical divorce mediation proceedings and refrain from bringing up issues that are not directly linked to parenting time and custody. One example is going over a long list of the other parent's flaws.
Be Considerate in How You Communicate
Use "our" children rather than "my" children when referring to the children you have. It is less confrontational and more inclusive. And make an effort to present your statements as an explanation of the things you two, as parents, can do collectively to help your kids get the most out of the circumstances while minimizing the impact on them.
Don't Let Your Feelings Overwhelm You
Regardless of everyone's best intentions, there will inevitably be instances when your conversation might get heated. Avoid using this as a reason to express your frustration to the other party since that will just undermine the work that has been accomplished. Even while mediators are trained to keep the peace, it's okay to ask for a break whenever you believe that your feelings are becoming overwhelming.
Don't Put Yourself Through Any Form of Abuse
You may want to explore online mediation, separate mediation sessions, or both (which means that you will meet virtually with your mediator during different "break-out" meetings) if you want to resolve your custody issue despite previous instances of emotional or physical abuse.
However, shuttle medication could assist to balance things out by countering the power disparity that often occurs in unhealthy relationships, even though it typically costs more than traditional mediation.
The extra expense, which will still probably be far less than going to court, is worthwhile if it results in a favorable conclusion. If the level of resentment between you two is so severe that you cannot be in a shared space, separate or virtual mediation meetings can be helpful.
Always Keep In Mind That You Have Alternatives
If mediation doesn't resolve the issue, you are entitled to go to court. Even in that scenario, your sessions with mediators would likely have brought to light the points on which you cannot agree, underlining what you should focus on moving forward.
Finding a Mediator in California
Here are some suggestions to aid you in choosing a mediator if you're looking to resolve your issues privately.
Learn About The Mediator's Background
Try to find someone who has a considerable amount of expertise in ADR or mediation. Most private mediators include information about their experiences as a practitioner on their websites. The majority of private mediators are going to hold an undergraduate degree, while many will also hold a master's or Juris Doctorate.
In California, court-appointed custody mediators are obligated to complete at least forty hours of primary mediation education, participate in a minimum of two mediation meetings lasting no less than 2 hours each while being supervised by a seasoned mentor custody mediator, and then participate in annual continuing legal training classes after that.
Take Into Account Their Background In Family Law
Look for a mediator with experience in negotiating child custody settlements and who focuses on family law. This is particularly crucial if you're looking for a private mediator because some could mediate conflicts of different kinds. Many mediators specialize in resolving disputes involving family law and divorce.
A lot of family law practitioners are also certified as mediators. Even though a mediator is not permitted to give legal counsel during the meetings, a mediator who's also a practicing attorney could be able to offer an exclusive perspective on the issues that are brought up during the meetings.
Both parties are free to consult with their attorneys throughout mediation, even if they are working with a neutral third party. Depending on the county, lawyers may or may not be permitted to participate in mediation sessions. You can still consult with your lawyer outside of sessions if they are unable to make it to your meetings.
Look For Reliable Recommendations or Conduct Your Research
If you're currently in contact with a lawyer, they could be able to suggest local mediators. However, it's still wise to conduct your online research. If you have no referrals, start your research by looking for local mediators online.
Understand that choosing a mediator is probably not something you will do alone. Since participation in mediation is voluntary on both sides, the other side must agree to use the assistance of the mediator you propose.
When looking for and proposing mediators, be fair and look for one with the qualifications your case needs. Remember to consider the cost because it could be difficult to convince the other side to choose whatever mediator you choose.
Find a Qualified Mediator Near Me
Child custody mediation could spare parents and anybody else involved in child custody disputes a lot of money, time, and emotional distress. Most parents would want to avoid having a child custody dispute play out in court. Fortunately, settling child custody disputes through mediation allows parents to come to an understanding in a more casual and private setting.
In such cases, an experienced mediator or a mediator attorney, whose opinions are impartial to all sides of the dispute, will listen to the claims of each party and work with them to craft a solution that works for everyone. Mediation is frequently a better choice than litigation since resolutions are usually obtained much more quickly. If you are going through a child custody dispute, you can contact the San Diego Divorce Attorney for legal counsel. Call us today at 858-529-5150.
